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THE BALLAD OF ST. CATHERINE OF CLARE

SIXTY DEMONS

 

There’s a legend of a Wild Heart

Who cures illness when she sings,

They say she came here with an angel

And 60 demons in the spring

 

They say that anyone who hears her

Will be cured and born again

That if she touches you with her fingers

You’ll be forever free from pain

 

They say that everyone who meets her

Will fall in love and lose their head

Don’t make her fall in love with you, though

Because, everyone she ever loved, is dead

 

They say she’s got 60 demons

And that she’s doomed to walk alone

They say she’s got 60 demons

But, I’ve got 61

 

They say she got them from her father

And that she never will never find her peace

They say the demons keep her moving

But I will have them all released

 

I’ll let her demons dance around us

I’ll let my demons dance with hers

We’ll send our demons into battle

And we will break each other’s curse

 

I’ll kiss her gently and I’ll hold her

And I will love her bold and pure

And I will let her Wild Heart love me

And if it kills us both, well, will both be cured

 

They say she’s got 60 demons

And that she’s doomed to walk alone

They say she’s got 60 demons

But, I’ve got 61

A BOY NO MORE

 

When I was a little boy, all my role models, you know they were tough

They weren’t afraid of making a stand, crossing a line, or just taking off

They didn’t cry like little girls, took care of little babies and stuff

They brought home the money, they drank scotch, beat up the bad guys, and that was enough

And the women, they were being women, and took care of the rest I guess,

And then my dad left.

 

And there I was, all alone, with all the women, and they didn’t think very highly of men

And what they were doing to this world, and what they were doing to them

And my body, it was changing and there was nothing to be done

I didn’t like or respect men, and there I was, turning into one

So I guess I decided not to grow

Looking back now, it seems very similar to all those role models that I used to know

Little boys in big bodies

 

We make the same mistakes that we’ve made before

Well, I don’t want to be a boy no more

Cheat if we can, just to level the scores

Well, I don’t want to be a boy no more

 

Angry little boys, in big bodies, 

All those scared little boys, in their big bodies,

All us hurt  little boys, in our big bodies

But hey, don’t blame me for it wasn’t me, or my brother – it was my brother’s friend

And only because he had an asshole father like his father and their father’s before them

And so it begins again

 

We make the same mistakes that we’ve made before

Well, I don’t want to be a boy no more

Cheat if we can, just to level the scores

Well, I don’t want to be a boy no more

We want every piece of candy in the candy store

Well, I don’t want to be a boy no more

Looking for a princess who fucks like a whore

Well, I don’t want to be a boy no more

ANOTHER ONE LAST DRINK

 

My father didn’t mind a drink of whiskey

Just like his daddy used to drown his feelings too

And I know that I should listen to the warnings

But I just need one more last drink before I do

 

There’s an angel gently weeping on my shoulder

And I know a drink won’t make her go away

But it sure as hell will make me feel much bolder

So, just one more last drink to get me through the day

 

Chorus:

Just another, just one more

Just a drink to get me started for the door

Just the last one, just one small

Just another, one last drink, before I go

 

Come tomorrow as a bright new day is dawning

I will get my shit together, as they say

But today is not the day to stop the pouring

So, just one more last drink to get me through today

 

Chorus:

Just another, just one more

Just a drink to get me started for the door

Just the last one, just one small

Just another, one last drink, before I go

 

Just another, just one more

Just a drink to get me started for the door

Just the last one, just one small

Just another, one last drink, before I go

DO I?

 

How many stars are missing on a cloudy night?

Where does all the darkness go when I turn on the light?

When is tomorrow when today’s always around?

Why is my right still right, when I turn around?

 

So many things that I know nothing of,

like do I love the ones I leave or do I leave the ones I love?

 

Where does my patience go, when I lose my mind?

Why is winning always better, when I fall behind?

And why can’t I be quiet, when everyone else can?

Where does all your freedom go, when you turn into a man?

 

So many things that I know nothing of,

like do I love the ones I leave or do I leave the ones I love?

 

Why do my feet keep walking, when I want to stay?

Why can I only sit still, when you walk away?

When did I stop to listen, to the angels above?

Why do I love the ones I leave, why do I leave the ones I love?

 

So many things that I know nothing of,

like do I love the ones I leave or do I leave the ones I love?

Do I love the ones I leave or do I leave the ones I love?

Do I love the ones I leave or do I leave the ones I love?

I  WANNA SPEND THE NIGHT

 

She sort of came out of nowhere

At least she didn’t come from anyplace where I’d been looking

And she didn’t look like she would have liked much it in any of those places, anyway

 

She had that irresistible life-can’t-touch-me-look

She pulled her eyes out of a torn old yellow paged pocket book

And she looked straight into my soul,

I couldn’t hide anymore

 

She said “Hey, soldier! Do I know you? 

I just get that feeling, you know…just like we’ve met before?”

I mumbled something about that I would have remembered and started for the door

 

She said “please take a walk with me,

I don’t know where I’m going but I don’t want go there on my own, you see”

I said “Yeah, nowhere can be a very lonesome place to be,”

“Come on and hold me!”, said she

 

I wanna know before I get older

I wanna know before the night grows colder

I wanna know, I wanna spend the night

With you

 

I had someone waiting, that didn’t want me

Just wanted to keep up the scene of a happy little family

Playing the blame game, waiting for someone to do something about the nothing we’d become

 

I said “Look I’m with someone!” and she said “Yeah, you’re with me!”

And I don’t care about your tomorrow, or your history”

I just wanna know what it could be like…”

“if you would hold me!”

 

I wanna know before I get older

I wanna know before the night grows colder

I wanna know, I wanna spend the night

 

I wanna know if it could get any stronger

And I don’t know if I can wait any longer

I wanna know, I wanna spend the night

With you 

 

So, I woke up in a stranger’s bed, more alive than ever wishing I was dead

Trying to come up with a reason to leave but instead

“Come on and hold me!”, I said

BADLANDS

 

He’s a priest of the storm, a disciple of fire

His silence is bitter, his silence is dire

The truth in his heart is despair and despite

So he’s walking the Badlands tonight

 

He remembers the nights that they sat by the fire

He taught her the secrets of lust and desire

Under star scattered skies with the bright moon above

She taught him the darkness of love

 

She wanted a child and she wanted a home

He longed for the desert to wander and roam

So he left her to search through the Badlands alone

For the truth that he felt in his bones

 

The wild worlds curse and the twisted trees groan

The demons they howl the ghosts whisper and moan

But the ghosts and the demons stay just out of sight

As he’s walking the Badlands tonight

 

The dark poisoned water, the old twisted trees

The pain in his heart and the ache in his knees

Getting old just doesn’t come easy

And the Badlands will never release me

 

The madman inside laughs aloud with delight

As I walk through the Badlands tonight

FEEL YOU TAKE ME OVER

 

I came to say I’m on my way

I’m leaving for a while

And trying to be a friend of yours

Would only be a lie

 

I know I can’t control myself

Whenever you’re around

And every time I see your face

I lay flat on the ground

 

And then you smiled…

 

Ref:

And I, I can feel you take me over

And I, I can feel you take me over (tonight)

And I, I can feel you take me over

And I surrender like a little child

 

I meant to say I need to heal

But then I saw your smile

You said the future’s open yet

So let’s not say goodbye

 

And then I smiled…

 

Ref:

And I, I can feel you take me over

And I, I can feel you take me over

And I, I can feel you take me over

And I surrender like a little child

 

I just let go of everything

As soon as you’re around

 

And I, I can feel you take me over

And I, I can feel you take me over

And I, I can feel you take me over

And I surrender like a little child

RIGHT, LEFT

 

My eyes keep searching for a door

To return to the darkness once more

I’ve sworn I’ll never lose this fight

But it still haunts me every night

 

I’ve never asked to be understood

I wouldn’t tell you if I could

If you had seen what I have seen

If you would go where I have been

 

I’m taking one step at a time

Right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left

Trying to leave the past behind

Right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left

I take another little step

Right, left

 

I leave a trail of pain behind

When I am running like I’m blind

And if your heart is one I break

Please, know it’s only by mistake 

 

I’m taking one step at a time

Right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left

Trying to leave the past behind

Right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left

Right, left

 

If I build walls around my heart

That keeps our aching souls apart

It’s because I’m still lost in the dark

Right, left, right, left

 

But when I open up my eyes

I catch a glimpse of paradise

But then I turn from side to side

Right, left, right, left, right, left

 

My eyes keep searching for a door

To return to the darkness once more

I’ve sworn I’ll never lose this fight

But it still haunts me every night

THERE’S A WAR

 

There’s a war inside my body

There’s a storm inside my head

Always trouble heading my way

And I wish that I was dead

 

I have prayed to meet my savior

I have cursed the way of men

I have tried to build my castle

But I fell apart again

 

I have traveled down the freeway

I have walked the path within

I have crawled towards the tunnel

But I’ve never made it in

 

There’s a war inside my body

There’s a storm inside my head

Always trouble heading my way

And I wish that I was dead

 

I believe in doing good things

I believe I try so hard

But I don’t see how there’s winning

When I play these lousy cards

 

Love is all my lost soul longs for

But my heart just won’t stay true

And there’s no way I could tell you

Why I hurt you like I do

 

There’s a war inside my body

There’s a storm inside my head

Always trouble heading my way

And I wish that I was dead

 

There’s a war and I am losing

I am losing, my, oh, my

There’s a storm and it is growing

But am I prepared to fly

 

There’s a war inside my body

There’s a storm inside my head

Always trouble heading my way

And I wish that I was dead

BONES

MEMORY FULL OF DIRT

 

I wouldn’t say I came from nothing

I wouldn’t say I had it all

I wasn’t born to be a hero

And I wasn’t doomed to fall

But as the halftime whistle blows

This is what I’ve got to show

 

I’ve got a pocket full of nothing

And a memory full of dirt

I’ve got a pocket full of nothing

And a memory full of dirt

I’ve got a pocket full of nothing

And a memory full of dirt

 

I’ve gotta say I had my chances

I’ve gotta say I made my moves

I’ve had my share of loving ladies

But I just wish I’d loved them too

And once I conquered anyone

It was time to move along

 

I’ve got a pocket full of nothing

And an ego full of hurt

I’ve got a conscience full of faces

And a memory full of dirt

 

I’ve got a pocket full of nothing

And a memory full of dirt

I’ve got a pocket full of nothing

And a memory full of dirt

I’ve got a pocket full of nothing

And a memory full of dirt

BONES

 

Towers reaching for the sky

Leave only shadows on the ground

So the sun can’t see us cry

Alone

 

Building, cutting, beating time

Hiding from the light of day

Saving lives, by taking lives

away

 

The roads are straight, the walls are straight

within our walls we rule our faith

but crooked hearts can’t

sooth the storm within

 

So we break a man, we fake a man

sedate a man, unwake a man

to never have to fear his freedom sing

 

Bones on bones, rocks on stones

Fire, steel and led

Paved our hearts, chained our souls

Left our spirits dead

Left our spirits dead

 

Muted watch the endless show

Nowhere to run, nowhere to go

The only time we scream is when we dream

 

We stand in line for the hangman’s rope

Abandon faith, abandon hope

Sucking on our master's piece of soap

​

Only living in our heads

We fear our lives more than our deaths

We drug our minds to keep us from our depths

​

A shallow mirror is our goal

A perfect surface across the hole

To cover up the vastness of our souls

​

Bones on bones, rocks on stones

Fire, steel and led

Paved our hearts, chained our souls

Left our spirits dead

Left our spirits dead

​

If you can see through all the lies

If you are here to roll the dice

If you are here to change the world we're in

​

Get out of line and take my hand

Let's run and scream across this land

Let's sing and dance until our spirits heal

​

Let's feel the Earth, let's watch the stars

Let's see the beauty between the bars

Let's listen to the music from within

​

Dive naked into waves of blue

And let your heart be naked too

Let all your dreams and wishes be your truth

​

Bones on bones, rocks on stones

Fire, steel and led

Paved our hearts, chained our souls

Left our spirits dead

Left our spirits dead

NAKED FEET

 

The past is still an open wound

The future’s just a dream

My ego’s jumping slippery rocks in a crystal mountain stream

 

I cannot lose my balance now

I cannot lose my head

If I slip into the stream my clothes will turn to lead

 

I’d take them off it was warm

And leave them in the past

But shame and fear will cover me too easy and too fast 

 

Too easy and too fast 

Too easy and too fast

 

So still I jump the slippery rocks

And keep myself from sleep

But maybe if I stop and breathe I find the stream’s not deep

 

And maybe if I left the rocks 

And walked the stream instead

With naked feet and open heart the doubt would leave my head

GOING NOWHERE

 

I’ve been searching for Sugarmen

And listened to TED’s

I’ve worshiped and conquered 

and talked to the dead

I’ve been looking for truths in the lies that I’ve spread

 

I’ve waited and watched 

for a magical me

And a castle of gold 

where I thought I would be

I have visioned and missioned for a great destiny

But I feel like I’m going nowhere

 

I’ve followed my heart 

and I’ve followed the signs

I’ve followed the pack 

and the leader sometimes

I’ve been walking in circles, and standing in lines

And I feel like I’m going nowhere

 

I’ve asked for a dance 

and I’ve taken a chance

With a foot in each door 

and every twisted romance

I have taught all my teachers and studied myself

But I feel like I’m going nowhere 

 

I’ve left and I’ve stayed 

and I’ve worked and I’ve played

Been a demon for a decade 

and a king for a day

I have learned to let go and to follow the flow

 

But I feel like I’m going nowhere

I feel like I’m going nowhere

I feel like I’m going nowhere

 

And maybe that means I am home

WHISPERS

These words can never be written

These words can never be sung

These words will break if you speak them

They can only be heard by just one

 

In a whisper

Whispers you only just hear

Whispers that tear you apart

Whispers that speak to your being

Whispers that open your heart

 

There are words much too strong to be spoken 

They are prayers, they are names, they are spells

There are words, much too shy for the day light

They are words that can only be felt

 

In a whisper

Whispers you only just hear

Whispers that tear you apart

Whispers that speak to your being

Whispers that open your heart

From the tip of my tongue

To the tear in your eye

From a sweet summer rain

Whispers from a smile when you cry

 

In a whisper

Whispers you only just hear

Whispers that tear you apart

Whispers that speak to your being

Whispers that open your heart

From the tip of my tongue

To the tear in your eye

From a sweet summer rain

Whispers from a smile when you cry

From a heart that just bleeds

From the earth to the seeds

Whispers to a naked flower

To the mother of deeds

 

Just whisper

Whispers I only just hear

Whispers that tear me apart

Whispers that speak to me being

Whispers that open my heart

From the tip of your tongue

To the tear in my eye

To a sweet summer rain

Whispers to a smile when I cry

To a heart that just bleeds

To the earth from the seeds

Whispers from a naked flower

From the mother of deeds 

HEY DAD

Dad, I drew a sailing boat today

Not as pretty as the one you made for me

I wish I could have helped you make the sail

But I know I’d only be in your way

 

Daddy, I scored a goal today

And I missed a few as you would have to say

I wished that you were there to see me play

But I know that you were busy far away away away 

I know that you were busy far away

 

Daddy, I missed you today

Like the little boy you left so far away

I’ve turned in to a man, or so they say

I wished you could have seen me on the way way way 

I wished you could have seen me on the way 

 

Hey, daddy don’t leave me just now

I’ll try and make you proud of me somehow

Hey daddy, don’t take the sun away

Please, hide me from the darkness one more day

Please stay, please stay,

Tell me what to do to make you stay

 

Daddy, I cried a tear today

I know you never do, and that’s ok

I have to be a man in my own way

I hope that you can meet me there someday

 

Hey daddy, I just wrote this song today

I wonder if you hear it, what you’ll say

I know that I really can’t play

But I sing it from my heart anyway

 

Hey, daddy don’t leave me just now

I’ll try and make you proud of me somehow

Hey daddy, don’t leave me just yet

I’m still your little boy, please don’t forget

Don't forget, don't forget

I’m still your little boy please don’t forget

Don't forget, don't forget

I’m still your little boy please don’t forget

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